


i've got a whole lot to learn (every bridge i see i seem to burn)

by sophwrites



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, people lying in bed having conversations is like. my favourite thing tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 07:51:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8004412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophwrites/pseuds/sophwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’ll never understand how their conversations can shift gears so quickly. One second it’s loving, the next, they’re tearing chunks out of each other.</p>
<p>Aaron and Robert talk. Well. They try to, at least. Set on the upcoming morning Aaron goes to France.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i've got a whole lot to learn (every bridge i see i seem to burn)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [inloveamateursatbest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inloveamateursatbest/gifts).



> For Claudia. Thanks for everything <3
> 
> Title from Little Bit of Truth by You Me At Six. Fic inspired by the recent photo of Ryan and Tommy Hawley... Please let me know if you see any mistakes! Enjoy :-)

   
  


Aaron knows it’s still early when he wakes. Lying on his back, he shifts and sighs. He never seems to be able to sleep in, no matter what’s going on in his life—he’s resigned to the tired life of an early riser, and he has to accept that. Squinting against the morning sun, he looks down at the arm half slung across his stomach and smiles.

Robert’s still asleep next to him, eyelashes looking long and dark in the half light. He’s puffing out soft breaths, hair flattened by sleep as his hand curls and uncurls atop Aaron’s chest, lost in a dream.

Getting soppy isn’t usually Aaron’s forte. He knows he’s sensitive, a damn sight more than the rest of his family at any rate, but he doesn’t like to dwell on it too much.  Despite all of that, it’s hard not to feel tender when looking at his boyfriend, lying warm and sleep soft beside him. It’s hard to believe they’re settled still, after all this time.

Redirecting his eyes to the ceiling, Aaron grins at the thought of leaving Robert alone with Liv for two weeks.

Neither of them had taken it very well yesterday, Robert almost outcompeting Liv in the tantrum stakes. He was being more of a teenager than the actual teenager, and Aaron had rolled his eyes, hands on hips, telling him to just _grow up, you’re thirty not thirteen._ Robert had just scoffed, replying that _there was no need to bring age into it._

Age related comments are a sure fire way to bring out the pout.

Robert always insists he doesn’t pout, but Aaron knows otherwise. He can be a right stroppy baby when he wants to be.

Eventually, he had bought Aaron a pint; a peace offering, the proverbial white flag, and promised he would look after her. Try to talk to her about getting in trouble at school, too. Aaron knows that really, it was less about Liv and more about the fact they couldn’t go away _together_.

Looking at his boyfriend, he doesn’t plan on verbalising the fact he’ll miss Robert, just hopes he’ll know, the same way he knows how many sugars Aaron takes in his tea, or that he thinks double knotting his laces is a waste of time. Talking about how he feels is still difficult sometimes, that phantom sting of all of Robert’s rejections persistently lingering in the back of Aaron’s mind. He can’t seem to shake it, no matter how often he’s told that Robert loves him, by his boyfriend himself or anyone else.

Seeing him sleeping peacefully, face expressionless, it’s hard for Aaron to remember that this is the same man who had kept him safe and wreaked havoc on his life in equal measure.

Aaron shakes his head at his own thoughts. He doesn’t want to think about that this morning. Not before he goes away.

Moving slowly, he inches out from underneath Robert’s protective arm, intending to make himself a brew. As he shifts away, he hears a distinct, “No...” from next to him.

“Stay,” Robert mumbles, eyes still closed. “M’awake... Stay.”

“Don’t look very awake to me,” Aaron says and smirks. His voice is low and rough from disuse, and Robert smiles.

“Hmm, you’re not trying very hard to wake me up.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Think that’s something you have to do by yourself.”

“Incentive,” Robert says and then yawns. He pops one eye open to look at his boyfriend. “Mm, you haven’t given me an incentive to wake up properly.”

“Like what?”

“Coffee normally works,” Robert grins.

Aaron raises his eyebrows and decides to play his trump card. “It’s a shame me goin’ away for two weeks isn’t enough of an incentive for ya. Always nice to know you care.”

He makes to get up again; not actually planning on going through with it this time, but Robert gives Aaron the reaction he was hoping for by grabbing at his wrist, face still smushed into his pillow. “Shut up, you know that’s not true.”

Aaron grins, hoping Robert’s one eye won’t catch the action through his sleep haze. He sits up against the headboard, legs splayed as Robert lies beside him. Aaron feels a warm and gentle hand on his thigh, not moving, just placed there, as if reassuring himself Aaron is still around for the time being.

“I’m gonna miss ya, you know,” Robert says softly and Aaron groans internally, hoping they would’ve avoided this. He feels awful enough every time he can’t muster up the courage to reply _I love you too_ without wanting to cry, let alone any other declarations.

He stays silent, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. Robert’s still too sleepy to be agitated at this hour, thank God.

“Not goin’ to say it back?”

“You know I will,” is the best Aaron can do.

Robert doesn’t push, but Aaron can almost hear the unspoken, _yeah, but_ _it’d be nice if you said it_ hanging between them. He just strokes a small circle on Aaron’s thigh and breathes.

They’d had a conversation a while back now, just after Robert had moved in. They’d been in similar positions then too, except the moon, rather than the sun, was their companion then. Robert had been talking softly, about how he meant what he’d said before, about trying to change. About trying not to push Aaron away every time something got too much, or too scary or something bad happened. _I trust you,_ he’d said. _And I know it’s not as easy for you. I almost burnt all the bridges between us last year, but... I’m learning, and I hope you can learn to trust me again too._

Robert had rolled over then, feeling too vulnerable to hold or be held by his boyfriend. Aaron had let him, staring at his pale back in the moonlight. He remembers thinking; _he really is trying,_ with an air of disbelief.

Back in the present, Robert is still silent. Considering.

“I...” Aaron starts. He cringes, hating that he doesn’t know what he’s going to say before he says it. As a man of few words, this isn’t really in his comfort zone, but if Robert is trying, then he knows he owes it to him to try too. “Course I’ll miss you, Robert. I’m used to havin’ ya around. Sleeping next to me. It’ll be... Weird now, without ya.”

“I’m almost like a piece of the furniture now, eh?” He says it like it’s a joke, but Aaron can hear the flatness of his tone. He places his hand on top of Robert’s that still rests on his thigh.

“Stop bein’ a muppet,” Aaron says and now Robert looks more affronted than sad. “I’m trying to tell ya that I’ll miss ya and you’re not listening to me!”

“Careful, you sound like you actually care now.” Aaron rips his hand away and roughly strokes over his beard instead. He’ll never understand how their conversations can shift gears so quickly. One second it’s loving, the next, they’re tearing chunks out of each other.

“Fine, if that’s how you’re gonna be.”

He’s swung his legs over the side of the bed when Robert sits up and says, “Wait...” Aaron turns back to see the covers pooling around Robert’s waist like he’s a Roman God who’s dropped his toga for Aaron. They used to do all _kinds_ of stuff; Aaron saw a programme about it on telly once.

“I didn’t mean to snap,” Robert says and looks down, playing with his own fingers like a scolded child. “I’m just... I’m really proud of ya.”

_What?_

“What?”

That was _not_ what Aaron was expecting him to say.

“When you first started the scrap business, you said to me you were worried about it. Came to my front door and told me you were worried you’d fail...”

They stare at each other. “I remember,” Aaron mutters.

Robert smiles. “Well, now look at you. I’m lying in bed with you on the morning you’re going to France for a trade course. I’m proud of ya, for coming so far after... Well, everything.”

Aaron feels overwhelmed by Robert’s words, so decides to push them to one side until he can process them properly. “And that means you snapped at me because...?”

“That’s what you got from all that?” Robert laughs. “I was just thinkin’ about everything. All of it. And somehow I’ve managed to sort it so I’m lying here, every morning, waking up next to you; the only thing I’ve wanted for months. And now you’re goin’ away...” Aaron raises his eyebrows, so Robert continues. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m made up for ya, but I just wish I was coming with you.”

Aaron can’t help the smile that blooms across his face. “You’re becoming soft in the head in your old age.”

“Oi,” Robert warns, the pout taking away from his mock anger, “Less of the cheek, alright?”

Evidently, being left alone is affecting Robert more than Aaron realised. He finally climbs back into bed, lying down and encouraging Robert to do the same, so they’re facing each other. Robert begins to idly stroke his arm.

“It’s not the first time we’ve properly been apart since we got together. You missed Zak and Joanie’s wedding for that business stuff.”

“I know, I know,” Robert says, sighing. Aaron thinks this might be a lot easier if they were both better at opening up about things. They were getting better at it though. Maybe one day, they’d be able to talk without feeling like they had to hold a part of themselves back. “It just feels different this time.”

“Robert.” Aaron meets those piercing eyes. “You know I...”

“I know,” Robert says again and smiles softly, Aaron feeling like a parody of his boyfriend just before they got back together.

At least Robert doesn’t seem annoyed by his lack of words this time, his other confession buying Aaron some more time to build up the courage to finally say those three words. Another thing he doesn’t really want to think about this morning.

For now, this is enough.

“Thank you... For what you said before.” Aaron’s voice is quiet, timid even. He doesn’t want to disturb the moment. The light is hitting the side of Robert’s face just enough to illuminate his smile—just enough to make Aaron want to reach out and touch. He resists the urge to cup Robert’s face, feeling that’s more something Robert does to him than the other way around. “I’m proud of you, too.”

“Me? I haven’t done anything.”

“So you _do_ have a modest bone in your body,” Aaron quips, “I was beginnin’ to wonder.”

“Ha ha, Mr. Comedian,” Robert rolls his eyes. Aaron internally smiles at the fact Robert does that so much more now that they’ve gotten together. “Don’t quit your day job, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Right charmer, you are.”

“That’s why you keep me around.”

Aaron grins indulgently and finds his boyfriend’s free had under the covers. The bed is warm where they’ve been lying together in the night, reaffirming to Aaron it’ll definitely feel weird to be waking up alone again.

“You going to be good while I’m away?”

Robert opens his mouth to reply, but Aaron speaks over him. “Actually, don’t answer that. You’ll say yes, but I know the answer is no.”

“O, ye of little faith.”

“Piss off.”

They lay in silence for a while, Robert’s eyes closing. Aaron can’t tell whether he’s just relaxing or has dozed off again. Either way, the lack of attention makes what Aaron wants to say next a little easier.

“You’ve been there for me.”

Robert’s eyes open immediately, and his brow creases in confusion. “Sorry?”

“You said before, you hadn’t done anything,” Aaron continues. “You’re wrong. Been there for me, haven’t ya? An’ mum... Liv. Put up with a lot. The old Robert never would’ve bothered.”

He preens under the praise and Aaron bites his lip to stop himself smiling. It would only boost Robert’s ego even more. “I’d do whatever it takes.”

The ‘ _for you’_ is silent, but Aaron hears it anyway.

“I know you would, you soppy git.”

“Hey!” Robert protests, laughing, “You’re the one getting all sentimental cause you’re leaving me.”

“Mhmm,” Aaron hums, drawing closer to Robert. “It’s affecting both of us. Must be somethin’ in the water.”

Robert’s eyes focus on Aaron’s lips as his tongue peeks out to wet his own. “I’ll ask Liv if she’s poisoned us after you’re gone.”

“Wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Aaron raises his eyebrows in warning. “I’d like you to be in one piece when I get back.”

“Worry about it later. You still have to give me a goodbye kiss before that. C’mere.”

As their lips meet, noses brushing, Aaron smiles.

   
  



End file.
